Immutable Tears



A god deposed /  do the tears flow from your eyes?

Head resting on the ground / sorrow at our parting?

No more adoration/  the heat of passion is now cool indifference, but

Feeling sadness for what will never be/ feeling sadness for what was

Your perspective has changed / you head toward the distant horizon, considering

You look toward clouds charcoal-hued/ stormy-browed

Like dark feathers stealing across the sky / full of thunder

And cry immutable tears/ without hope


This is in response to Jane Dougherty’s Poetry Challenge. This week Jane asked us to use the charcoal drawing above (“Tears” by Odilon Redon) and all or some of these words: tears, horizon, fly, hue, stealing. I wrote a cleave poem: each side is a discrete poem, but the two sides can also be read together–so three poems in all.






32 thoughts on “Immutable Tears

  1. That first line is so striking. And I love the mixing and matching of “god-like” and human characteristics across the two halves of the poem (especially “stormy-browed” and “full of thunder” on the right).

  2. Three words: A-MA-ZING! Okay, it’s really just one word with three syllables, but you know what I mean. I’ve never heard of a cleave poem before, but WOW! The idea itself is really cool, but you definitely rocked it as well as the challenge. Great job! ❤

  3. so different from other poems inspired by the same prompt – really love the cleave form – will have to try that myself – reminds me a bit of my own freyan verse!

  4. Pingback: Poetry challenge Tears: the entries – Jane Dougherty Writes

  5. This poem flows so well in all three versions. A favourite image is of clouds like dark feathers stealing across the sky. I am also impressed that you were able to incorporate the head position facing down close to the earth. I drew a blank when trying to feel that aspect.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.