Monday Morning Musings:
“for us physicists believe the separation between past, present, and future is only an illusion, although a convincing one.”
Albert Einstein, in a letter, after the death of his friend, Michele Besso
To time we’re young
a blush over morning
brilliance that fades
repeating through years
and generations
Words sail through space,
bubble like champagne,
like the thoughts shared by friends over wine
through time
What is the glue, she asks,
that binds us,
that holds us together
some friends, but not all
over distance and years?
I have no answers,
the universe is a mystery
the dazzling beauty
of the night sky in June
the rhythms of nature and time
sometimes it comes together

Heritage Vineyards Mullica Hill, New Jersey
other times though,
there is confusion and contradiction
the day that changes from sun to rain
and back again
we walk through city streets
see a bride and groom
smell the scent of rain-damp flowers
get caught in the next downpour
nature is confused
We watch a movie
of family and history,
and family history
a mystery
life, death, survival
hiding underground
and then burying the secrets
the sins of the father
haunt him and his children
like ghosts
spirits that rise from graves
there is jealousy, too,
and sister-love
and music
some also underground
circling
becoming the means to an end
to forgive
to heal
We walk through crowds of people celebrating Philly Pride Day
rainbow flags on display
(people, too)
have dinner at a bar
then on to see a play
a musical
another tale of family secrets
the father has a hidden life
(some boys, some underage)
many in the audience chuckle knowingly
watching his daughter coming of age
coming to know herself
and, of course, I remember
(not a letter)
but the phone call,
the funny, memorable, filled-with-laughter phone call
from my daughter
not that it’s a surprise
not that it changes anything for me
though it changes her world
and it must have been a scary call for her
and she must have sighed with relief afterward,
but love is love is love
and all I want is for my daughters to be happy
the show has more secrets
and more tragedy
and three versions of Alison—
not separated–
past, farther past, and present–
existing at the same time,
as it does within our minds
It is Father’s Day,
my father is gone for many years
I think of the secrets he must have had
the life before children
I see old photos of him
younger hims I never knew
I can’t talk to him,
or I could,
but he can’t answer me
not in words that I can hear
perhaps in dreams
or illusions
or in a bending of time
still there are bonds, love,
glue that binds us
despite secrets
despite not knowing
he lives in my heart and mind–
is he gone–or not?

I made Welsh Cookies–called Daddy Cookies at our house–for my husband for Father’s Day.
We saw the movie Past Life, an Israeli movie set in 1977 in Israel, Germany, and Poland. Trailer here. We saw the musical Fun Home, based on Alison Bechdel’s graphic novel. It won five Tony Awards in 2015. Here’s the Tony Awards performance.
Oh the joy of Monday morning, or afternoon my time, and cathcing your musings. This one brought me to happy tears too; the phone call, your daughter and that unforgettable quote; Love is Love is Love. I imagine she did sigh with such relief afterwards. Thanklfully, for the lucky ones, Parents are Parents are Parents… xx
Thank you, Damien. Wouldn’t it be lovely if it really wasn’t an issue at all? And why should it be? I really do believe love is love is love. I love that my daughters have love–and we have a son-in-law and a daughter-in-law.
A beautiful rendition of Love Merril thank you – quite quite lovely, the photos too. I wonder about the glue that sticks and binds and when it’s good it’s very very good. Even invisible …
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Susan!
I used to have a tube of glue, invisible according to the label, kind of like family glue – can’t always see it but you know it’s there.
A few days ago, we viewed some slides Aunt Ruthie took when they drove from PA to our wedding in Charlotte, NC. I got a behind-the-scenes glimpse of all I never saw: loading up the car trunk with funny-looking suitcases, my sister acting goofy, guests I didn’t remember attending the wedding. Heart-warming reminiscence, like yours.
Thank you, Marian. Yes, invisible glue. 🙂
What a treasure for you to have those slides!
Lovely heartfelt words Merril. We call them Welsh cakes here, I’m glad to know they’re enjoyed over there.
xxx Massive Hugs xxx
Thanks so much, David! Hugs back to you!
This was such an uplifting powerful post
Thank you so much, Candice!
I get greedy for your words, you make tapestries with them
Aww–you are so sweet. Thank you!
Much to contemplate here, about ourselves and the nature of time, Merril. Thank you.
Thank you, Derrick. I’m glad you thought so.
Lots of lovelies in here today, Merril! What are Daddy cookies? About Fun HOme: I haven’t seen it but had to video my daughter doing an audition (when she came to visit and her agent was upset she wasn’t in the city) for Fun Home, and I had to read the other character’s lines :). I thought we both did fabulous ;), but the casting agent never opened the video file to look!
Thanks so much, Luanne. Daddy Cookies are Welsh Cookies. They’re not too sweet, flavored with nutmeg and currants, cooked on a griddle, like pancakes. My husband’s family has always made them. Mommy Cookies at our house are my Mandelbrot.
Too bad about the casting agent not even opening the file. I’m sure you were both fabulous. 😉 If your daughter ever does a show in Philadelphia, you better let me know!
Oh, I definitely would! Yes, we were fabulous. Perhaps me especially. hahahahaha
I’m sure both your cookies are delicious. I’ve never heard of the Welsh ones. I’d like to try those, but I never bake anything anymore that isn’t gluten free :(.
Hahahaha.
I suppose you could try it with gluten free flour–if there is some kind that is suitable for making biscuits?
I like using baking recipes that are made for gluten free flour because I am not a wiz at baking. Different chemistry depending on the flour. All that.
Love the reflections and the photos together, Merril. The bride and groom photo was especially evocative with your theme of time past, present, and future.
Thank you very much, Shirley.
I was hoping that the bride and groom got all their outside photos done before the rain started again. 🙂
It is definitely all a mystery. My father has come to me in dreams, and my maternal grandmother, (but not my mother). But I speak to them all, sometimes, feeling like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof.
I loved the Fun Home book. We all think everyone else is “normal” but really all lives are secret lives. (K)
Thanks, Kerfe. So true. All families and lives have secrets.
My daughter loved the books–there’s a sequel.
Laughing at the Tevye remark. 🙂
Oh, I’ll have to look for that sequel. Not just the words, but the art is so wonderful.
Merril, This is the first time I read your poetry, but not the last. It was lovely! Thanks.
Thank you for reading and for the lovely comment!
Past, present, future, a convincing illusion but travelling with you in your poem I could feel how this unravels in life
Thank you, Janice.
Family ties bind us no matter who has passed and who is living. You’ve written an amazing poem with references to the loves of your life. Even your yummy cookies evoke family love, Merril! Delicious.
Awww, thanks so much, Rose!
I love the way you create a package and it is so lovingly wrapped and wonderfully wrought. It holds long-time friends, a movie, a play and the special relief to know love is much more than acceptance~ it is everything! The pretty rainbow 🌈 parade was here in Columbus and Father’s Day meant a gift for my son, a wonderful Daddy, and another gift for my soon to be son in law who loves my daughter and her two sons.
I liked the way you spoke of your father, Merril.
Thank you so much, Robin. I’m glad you enjoyed this, and happy your son and son-in-law had happy Father’s Days, too.
It was nice to see a young photo of your father and it is always interesting to read about friend’s parents who were never met before.
I appreciate what you expressed about the two men in my grandchildren’s lives.