His thoughts And prayers
were broken-winged she thought, meaningless things
never soaring sometimes boring, never driving
far to the stars, where she longed to go,
but earth-tethered unfeathered, she remained
he stayed, staid, while she longed for blazing rays,
only in night’s dreamscape wandering high to dance together in the sky
A contrapuntal poem for dVerse, where Paul is tending the bar. My poem is three separate poems.
That’s lovely and clever!
Thank you, Susan!
I like this, especially how you have two people divided in life and in the poem’s form, who basically want the same thing.
Thanks, Jane. Yes–I suppose that is true of many people.
I really like this esp as a combined form. Each poem stands alone but read together it really packs a punch!
Thank you so much Debi.
I like the idea of two dreams dancing.
Thank you, Frank.
What a beautiful piece!
Thank you very much!
Beautifully crafted version of the form and such a divine dialogue to witness. Bravo.
Thank you so much, Paul. This was a fun one to write.
So well done! You’ve managed the three “melody lines” quite well. My favorite is reading it across, as one entire poem. She yearns…..he is more tethered and thus so is she, except in her dreamscape where her love for him is so strong, that she still sees the two of them dancing in the stars. I enjoyed this one a lot!
Thank you very much for your lovely comment, Lillian. I’m glad you enjoyed it!
well this poem certainly dances…
Thank you very much!
most welcome…
I’ve worked with this type of poem before myself, but not too much, and I’ve read many others. I always wonder the process that others go through. Do you remember your process? Can you share it?
I’ve written some in this form before that seemed so difficult to write, but will you hate me if I say this one pretty much wrote itself–and quickly. (Perhaps that shows.) But I saw the phrase “thoughts and prayers,” and I envisioned someone saying it, and then someone else saying do something instead, and then it all went from there. So that was the “process.” 🙂 Of course, I went back and changed words after I got the first draft down.
Very cool. I love when poems “write themselves” haha. The process of poetry is very mysterious.
Yes, it is. 🙂
Whoa, this is amazing poetry: a soliloquy AND a duet. Brilliant.
Thank you very much, Pam! 🙂
Oh, Bravo! I read all three and especially like the opening of the right-hand with the word ‘And’ – it begs the question. 🙂
Thank you so much, Jilly! 🙂
It’s never easy, when someone you’re with makes you feel tied down…you’d described the tug-of-war of the relationship really well here.
Thank you very much! I appreciate your comment.
A beautiful dance (and love Pleiades:)
Thank you very much.
I had used that photo before for something, and it seemed to work here, too. 🙂
I like the shape of this contrapuntal poem, Merril, especially the space in between, which adds to the meaning – the distance between his thoughts and her thoughts, him and her, and the way they come together in the final line. I love the seamless join and the individual poems; the juxtaposition of earth-tethered and unfeathered; and the wordplay with ‘stayed/staid’. ‘Broken-winged prayers – beautiful! 🙂
That you so much, Kim!
You do cleave poems so well. I think this is your best.
Thank you so much, Ken!