“Seen on KSC grounds, a robin pauses in a Brazilian pepper tree filled with red berries.” NASA, via Wikipedia Commons, Public domain
The robin sang the light
“Get up, come play,” said he,
“away the dream-filled night,
up here, you will be free.”
“Get up, come play,” said he,
but the mossy limbs were high.
Up here, you will be free.
No, I cannot fly.
But the mossy limbs were high
and shadowed in the dawn.
No, I cannot fly,
I stood upon the lawn.
And shadowed in the dawn
was nature sweet and wild,
I stood upon the lawn,
I listened, and I smiled.
Was nature sweet and wild?
(Away the dream-filled night!)
I listened, and I smiled–
the robin sang the light.
Another pantoum for dVerse. Yes, this is what I’m doing instead of all the work I have to do. Don’t judge me till you try it. 🙂 Gina is hosting this forms challenge. She explains the history and how to write one. Come join us!
This pantoum is a revision of the first pantoum I wrote–for one of Jane Dougherty’s challenges.
This is beautiful! The variation of punctuation is effective, and I like how you give the Robin a voice.
Thank you so much! I’m glad my work on revising this paid off.
I’ve just read Kerfe’s, a revision of her first ever pantoum, and like this, the rhythm is perfect. I love it when a poem sings like a song, and this one is lovely! I discovered that your robin is a thrush, like our blackbird. I bet the song is similar.
Thank you so much! And thanks for those challenges. 🙂
I’ll have to look for Kerfe’s. My mail program is acting up.
Here’s the American robin: https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/American_Robin/sounds
We are at the mercy of technology. When WP, Mail or any of the other programs we use to communicate play up were absolutely stuck.
Your robin’s song is a bit like the song thrush’s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G53oH-MI9qU
Yes, it is. American robins are part of the thrush family, but we have thrushes, too.
You have loads of thrushes apparently!
Apparently! 🙂
Some of them look like out robins…
‘our’ robins.
🙂
Beautiful poem.
Thank you very much!
That is absolutely enchanting Merrill…! Excellent balance in meaning and blend of the lines! Loved it!
That is so kind, Rob. Thank you very much!
very lovely Merril, the pantoum not only sings but dances its way to my heart. the dialog between Robin’s tiny feelings and the wide world you have captured so well in the short pretty lines. very original and light.
Thank you very much, Gina.
I rewrote, but I also shortened the lines in this one. 😉
part of the beauty of the pantoum, it gives you poetic license in some areas yet keeps you reigned in in others, an exercise of the mind and heart, i am enjoying reading the reworkings and second attempts, it shows the strength of the poet and tenacity to achieve. i really admire how you tackled this Merril!
Thank you, Gina!
oh and forgot to add, that the title caught my eye immediately and made me want to know more.
Thank you again! 🙂
Another beautiful Pantoum! Love, love, love.
Aww–thank you so much, Dale!
Light and airy. Well done, Merril.
Thank you, Ken!
I loved this, Merril. It’s so timely as the past couple of days I’ve been watching the Robins outside my office window looking for worms. Have a great weekend!
Thank you, Jill. I haven’t seen many robins lately, but know they’ll be around soon. Hope you have a great weekend, too!
That was one thing that surprised me when we moved from Virginia to Charlotte, the robins stay here year around. 🙂
They–at least some–stay all year here, too. I have seen them, but not so many around here yet.
I love that we both redid our first pantoums. This pared down version is light as a feather, just beautiful. (K)
Thank you very much, Kerfe! I’m pleased with how this one turned out, too.
Lovely, Merril. We were on the same wavelength – I’ve written about a sparrow (will link up Thursday.)
Thank you very much. I look forward to reading yours!
Beautifully done!
Thank you very much!
Lovely. I can just imagine you standing there
That’s a lovely thought, Derrick. Thank you!
lovely energy in it Merril thanks!
Thank you, Susan!
I love this! Beautiful rhythm, evoking birdsong!
Thank you so much, Marie. I hadn’t thought of that! Wow! 🙂
Nice meeting of the robin singing the light even if one cannot fly.
Thank you, Frank.
This gives me the goosebumps as I read it. You and the robin communed in the beauty of the morning.
What a lovely comment! Thank you so much for letting me know this.
You are welcome.
🙂
This is lovely and beautifully constructed – the repetitions are so graceful!
Thank you so much, Nora!
I love the child-like quality in your piece. It exudes joy and innocence. ☺️
Thank you! 🙂
A gorgeous robin Pantoum, Merril! I especially love these lines:
‘And shadowed in the dawn
was nature sweet and wild,
I stood upon the lawn,
I listened, and I smiled.’
I agree with Imelda about its child-like quality.
Thank you very much, Kim!
(I’m glad you both said child-like and not childish.) 😉
🙂
This reminds of an encounter I had with a robin here one day. I love the antics and sounds of the birds in the area, not least the robin. The form sounded like a song any of the birds would sing, with the repetitive sounds they make.
Thank you very much. That’s a lovely observation.
I love so much about this….the conversation, connection with nature, the invitation to fly and the way you turned “was nature sweet and wild” into a question in the last stanza, manipulating the line into a new perspective. Top this off with a beautiful rhythm. So glad I dropped in to read!
Thank you so much, Mish!
I’m so glad you dropped in, too! 🙂