Suns and moons arise,
glorious their guise
gleams bright.
Peace hums from the skies,
a reprising breeze,
I write–
hear the river’s sighs,
song of dove that flies
somewhere, some far place
beyond outer space
so strange,
planets live star-traced,
knowing peace and grace
unchanged–
glorious their guise
suns and moons arise.
For the next month, the lai is the poetry form at dVerse. Grace has provided a primer, which includes the format for both the lai and the lai noveau. This is a lai nouveau.
Yesterday and today: Merril's historical musings 
You did it ‘right’ but I think this would be better in a different form to do the poem justice. These very short lines seem to cut the thought off too soon to my ear.
Oh, interesting. I actually took part of something that already had these short lines. But I often find that in many of the short forms, that the poems seem constrained. So, you’re probably right. 🙂
I think it’s having to string so many rhymes together. There aren’t enough words between the rhymes! I tried another one this morning and it worked better, but it’s the luck of the words, if they have enough rhymes that make sense in context.
You might be right. The ones I’ve read do sound sort of like words strung together–but missing something. I’ll go read yours. I think I read it was originally a French form–do you think it works better in French?
I think French is so very very pernickety about the language that you don’t get away with false rhymes or phrases that doen’t make sense. I just mixed in a bit of French to get more rhymes 🙂
I’ll check it out. I’m in the midst of cooking for a big family dinner tomorrow, so that’s why I’m popping in and out. 🙂
I have big family dinner on Sunday and Monday. Birthdays.
Nice–you’ll get to see your fledglings. 🙂 This is our belated Passover meal.
One won’t be here. She’s working on Monday. there’s never a 24 hour period when they are all free at the same time.
Not everyone can make it to our dinner either. Both daughters will be, which is nice, but son-in-law has clinical (he’s in nursing school) and one sister and her wife can’t make it.
You’d have a big company if they could all make it! The daughter who can’t come and her partner came a couple of weeks ago so we’ll not miss them too much.
I think we’re having 13, instead of seventeen. Too bad your other daughter can’t make it thought.
We’ll be six and that’s plenty. I don’t have proper kitchen so food preparation in large quantities is a problem.
It’s hard when you don’t have a good size kitchen and such. I’m fortunate–have a double oven, too, and the time to be able to cook for days–even though there’s other work I should be doing. 🙂
The room that purports to be a ‘kitchen’ is huge and very picturesque with terracotta tiled floor and heavy massive beams. But there’s just one dodgy power point dating from the 1980s (last time innovation struck this place), a fireplace and a stone sink at dwarf height from the floor. I cook on camping gas rings and have a small electric mini oven that isn’t up to baking or anything that requires much heat, but it’s all the electrical current here will take. Primitive. There was a chain for hanging a cauldron on over the fire, but we took that down when we put the wood stove in. Maybe that was a mistake…
Well, at least you have picturesque and terracotta tiles. 🙂 I suppose you could bake in the fireplace, if you really wanted to–though that would probably be something you’d only want to do in winter.
It’s not something I’d want to do ever. I’m not cut out for cave existence.
Me, either. And I don’t like camping. 😉
Well, that’s normal. We are soul sisters after all 🙂 (I’ve never set foot/head in a tent ever ‘shudders’)
Well,the fancy tents put up for events are nice. 😉
Ha ha! As long as it’s fine and there are no insects or prowlers and there’s a bathroom…
Yes, of course. Usually an open bar, too, and dancing. . .
Hi, Merril,
I was stymied in posting a comment on the blue iris post. It always asks me to sign in, and even after I do, it won’t accept the post. Oh, well.
Here’s what I wanted to post: I, too, love the iris painting, Merril. I’ve started doing watercolors and I aspire to do something as beautiful as this. The poem also touched close to my heart. My sister gave a daughter up for adoption and only recently reconnected with her. It’s been a blessing for all of us. Thanks for sharing.
Hope all is well in your world. We’re delighted to have spring at last.
Best, Carol
>
Hi Carol. I’m glad you found that post of others’ poems and stories moving and enjoyed Jodie’s painting. I didn’t get the painting gene that seems to be in my family.
Recently, I’ve sometimes had a problem commenting on other people’s post, with a message to sign in, even when I am signed in. Usually, if I reload the page, then it’s fine. Thanks for stopping by. I’m glad you’re seeing signs of spring in your part of the world.
This is exceptional Merril, captivating, loved it! Thank you! After reading this I am inspirec to go after the lai. Your poem here was the inspiration I needed…! 🙂
Wow–thanks so much, Rob!
I’m a tad confused. I had thought it was to be 9 lines, but these are 8. However, a great go
at
lai nouveau
Thank you, Beverly. The prompt says 9 lines for the lai, but 8 for the lai noveau.
Loved this, Merril! ❤
Thank you, Jill!
I love that you keep introducing me to new styles of poetry. I find myself looking up the type to understand what it is that you are doing. Fascinating. Way outta my league, but fascinating nonetheless (as was the discussion between you and Jane).
I still enjoyed this 😉
Thank very much, Dale. I’m learning lots of new forms, too! I’m glad you enjoyed it (them).
I am. I am blown away by the ones you have already tried!
Thank you!
I do love the thought here, and how you dive into the space outside… though i do think that the poem might have been even better if it had not been fit into form.
Thanks, Björn. You are probably right. 🙂
Were you perhaps restrained by the need for so much rhyme?
I took this from a larger piece that I did a while ago, so I didn’t feel constrained by the rhyme, but perhaps the short line lengths? The consensus seems to be this would be a better poem without the constraints. 🙂
I think this form has a swirling rhythm, which kind of reverses itself. I like your poem, but I agree there are some beautiful lines that would be even more beautiful without the constraints–“planets live star-traced”–I especially like that. I tried a lai with the Oracle today. It will take some practice. (K)
I will visit your Oracle poem soon. I had to get mine done. 🙂
And thank you. 😉 Yes, not sure about the lai form.
I didn’t like this form when I first saw it. You’ve changed my mind.
But I still won’t attempt it! 😉
Wow–thank you, Ken.
It seems like one you’d be good at.
Beautiful imagery and wel written.
Thank you very much!
This is star-filled heavenly lai nouveau Merrill. I specially like this part:
I’m pleased you liked it, Grace. I think something is missing from your comment.
I like the praise of nature in your lai nouveau.
Thank you, Frank.
I love the wonder expressed in your lai, Merril, and the circularity, with ‘suns and moons arise’ at the beginning and the end – of a day or the world,
Thank you very much, Kim!
Liked this very much.
Thank you!