The Heaviness of Secrets

Edward Hopper, Monhegan House, Maine

I’m weary, and sometimes the great bones of my life feel so heavy. The secrets that fill them are an extra weight I carry with me always. In the terror of those times, they were a fuel I swallowed eagerly, and they kept me alive then. How could I know that they would stay within, bricks cemented to my core?

We all had secrets. We were chameleons. Pierre/Paul/Hans—he had so many names. Were any of them real? Where are you? I’ve wondered for over a decade now. Oh, there have been rumors—he was sighted in Moscow, in Buenos Aires, in Singapore—but none of them have checked-out.

Yet, I can’t rest. I’m comfortable here in Maine, living on the pension from the job I’m not allowed to talk about. But I’m going back to France. I have one final lead to follow.

I’ve returned to my spies and Hopper for Linda’s prosery prompt at dVerse. She asks us to use the line:
“Sometimes the great bones of my life feel so heavy,” from Mary Oliver’s “Spring Azures.”

60 thoughts on “The Heaviness of Secrets

  1. “Yet, I can’t rest. I comfortable here in Maine, living on the pension from the job I’m not allowed to talk about,”… love this! This, right here, is solid proof that this is just the beginning to a great spy series 💝💝

  2. A great line for one of your episodes about the spies, Merril! Secrets are indeed a heavy burden, especially when it is made heavier by the terror of the war. She is so determined to find her man. I’m intrigued by the final lead that is taking her back to France.

  3. I met a very elderly MI6 spy, she knew how to handle the belligerent nursing home staff … I can imagine her sneaking out to France to follow up that lead! Well done

  4. I could see the spy as a woman from the get, but a same sex romance could be an exotic twist; smile. Your continuing story gets me prepped for Episode 128 of BLACKTHORNE this week.

  5. Great story Merril. I can imagine the life of a spy and the great bones of secrecy would be a heavy weight to carry. The life of a soldier would be the same. Perhaps that is why so many veterans commit suicide!

  6. Yes, yes and yes! That is a great next chapter (so lovely that you leave it open for a next one 😉
    I love that: How could I know that they would stay within, bricks cemented to my core? Such a perfect description for the things she cariries.

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